


Secret's Safe With Me

by Cones_McMurphy



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: 5+1, F/M, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Underage Drinking, basically the 3rd and 4th sections get really dark and angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-26
Updated: 2015-10-26
Packaged: 2018-04-28 06:11:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5080708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cones_McMurphy/pseuds/Cones_McMurphy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five Times Riley Matthews asked Farkle Minkus to keep a secret, and one time she didn't</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secret's Safe With Me

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and underage drinking. I know the ending is a bit rubbish, but I really just wanted to be done with it.

_**1\. Eight Years Old** _

Riley’s stomach growled loudly. She coughed to cover it, but Farkle heard it. It didn’t make any sense. Farkle knew Riley’s mom always packed her a good lunch for school. He pulled out a sheet of paper to write her a note, but the dismissal bell rang before he finished, so he gently grabbed her arm to pull her aside. “I heard your stomach growling, Riley.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Riley insisted.

 _“Riley_.”

Riley sighed in defeat, “Fine. I’m starving. Can you please just let me go home to eat?”

“Not until you tell me why you’re so hungry. I know your mom makes you a good lunch everyday. Why didn’t you eat it?” Farkle was worried. Not eating lunch, even when you’re hungry is bad. The human body needs the calories and nutrients from food, he was a scientist, he knew these things. There was a long pause before Riley spoke.

“I gave it to Maya,” she admitted sheepishly.

“W-what?”  

“Maya doesn’t always get breakfast or dinner, Farkle. I do. She needs the food more than me. It’s been going on for a couple weeks now.” Farkle frowned. He knew that Riley was right and Maya needed to eat, but he didn’t think Riley should have to give up her lunch for that to happen.

“Maybe we could talk to your—"

“No, you can’t tell anybody!” Riley cut Farkle off. He just stared at her in confusion, “Maya is embarrassed, Farkle. She’s only taking my food because she thinks I don’t want it. She’d see anything else as charity or pity and she wouldn’t take it.”

“Oh.”

“So, you won’t tell anyone, then?”

Farkle nodded, “Your secret’s safe with me.”

 

 

_**2\. Fourteen Years Old** _

_"You can’t tell anybody._ ” Her voice is cracking, tears pooling in her eyes, and Farkle feels his heart breaking for her. He doesn’t want to keep this secret. He doesn’t want to watch Riley step back from Lucas for Maya. He knows if Lucas and Maya knew how Riley really felt they wouldn’t be in Topanga’s doing whatever they’re doing. He’s angry, too, that Riley is lying to everyone who cares about her. But she asks for time, and she seems so vulnerable and small and he just _can’t_ tell her secret. All he wants is for her to be okay. He’s a bit taken aback that she’s prepared to work though her feelings alone. Riley isn’t alone. She is never alone. She is surrounded by people who love her. Maybe she just needs a reminder.

_“I’m always here for you.”_

 

_**3\. Sixteen Years Old** _

“Hey, Riley!” Farkle pops his head in her window. She’s sitting on her bed, facing away from the window. He plops himself down on the bench. “Where’s Maya?” She shuffles around. “And also what are you doing?”

“Maya is with Uncle Shawn this weekend,” she tells him, standing up from the bed and coming to the window. Riley’s voice is breaking, and he can tell from the red around her eyes that she’s been crying.

“Riley,” he manages, as she sits down next to him, “Riley, what’s wrong.” She looks for a moment like she was going to try to play it off; she straightens her shoulders and forces a smile. But then she sees the concern in his eyes and she can’t keep it together any longer. The dam bursts.

“Everything Farkle. Every time I see Maya and Lucas together I wonder why I wasn’t enough for him, even though I know it’s not about me, and even though I don’t have feelings for him anymore. I look at my parents and I see this amazing life they’ve built and I know I’ll never be as good as them. A-and I know the kids at school all think I’m weird and awkward and clumsy and they’re right! I just…” she trailed off, “I feel so useless. I feel like no one would care if I stopped existing.” Farkle doesn’t hesitate in wrapping his arms around her.

 “Riley, we all love you. _I_ love you. Your parents love you. Maya loves you. Auggie loves you. Lucas loves you. Zay loves you.”

 “I know…but sometimes it’s hard to believe,” her voice is barely more than a whisper, “that people can love me, when I don’t even love me.” Farkle holds her even tighter. Her body shakes with sobs.

“It’s going to be okay, Riley,” he whispers softly, “You’re going to be okay. I’m here. I’m always here.” He’s not sure how long he holds her before it dawns on him what she might’ve been doing before he came in the window. He really hopes he’s wrong. “Riley…Before I came in…what were you doing?”

“I…” She starts, before breaking into another sob. It’s like she can’t bring herself to say it out loud. Instead she pulls out of his hug, and rolls up her left pant leg. There are lines up and down her calf. Some of them seem are older, faint white scars. Some of them are fresh and crimson. Others are in the middle, scabbed over and brick red. It’s like a kick in the stomach.

 “Oh, Riley. This is really bad.”

“Y-you can’t tell anybody. Maya doesn’t even know.”

“You need _help_.”

“Please. No one was supposed to know. I’m Riley Matthews.” She’s ashamed. She’s so ashamed. “I’m the one who’s supposed to fix everything and save the day. I can’t be a burden on them.”

“You might be Supergirl,” Farkle concedes, “But even Supergirl needs saving once in awhile.”

“Can you save me, Farkle?”

“Not alone, I can’t.” Farkle answers honestly, “You have to talk to your parents, Riley. Get _professional_ help. These feelings you’re feeling? These things you’re doing to yourself? They’re an _illness_. You’re sick, Riley. But you can get better if you just get help.” Riley breaks down again, leaning into him and sobbing. She can’t speak, but she nods, and Farkle is hit with a flood of relief. _She’s going to be okay_. He pulls her into his embrace again.

“It’s going to be okay, Riley. It’s going to be okay.”

 

 

_**4\. Seventeen years old.** _

The music was loud, the food was mediocre, and the only two people Farkle knew at the party were Riley and Maya. They were the reason he was there. Well, Riley was. He was pretty sure Maya could handle herself. He wasn’t so sure about Riley. She was getting better, she’d been in therapy, and she was six months clean from self-harm. But she was still depressed. Farkle had done mountains of research on clinical depression and he knew that depressed people were far more prone to do drugs or drink. He didn’t want that for Riley. Coming to this kind of party was not a good thing for her. When Riley and Maya had told him their plans to come to this party he had immediately insisted he tag along, but somewhere along the way he’d lost them in the crowd. He found Maya again first. She was still sober, and looking for Riley. They agreed they’d cover more ground separately, and parted ways. He found Riley in one of the upstairs bedrooms, a red solo cup in hand. “Riley…Are you okay?” She looked up at him in surprise.

“Just…thinking.”

“Thinking about anything in particular?” he asked, sitting down next to her on the bed.

“Pluto,” she hiccuped.

“Pluto the metaphor, or Pluto the planet?”

“Planet.” She lifted her cup to take another sip, but Farkle took it from her hand and set it on the floor.

“Tell me about Pluto.”

“Pluto was discovered February 18th 1930 by the Lowell Observatory. It was named after the Greek god of the underworld by an eleven year old girl. It has 5 moons.” Farkle already knew all of that, but he listened anyway. She stopped abruptly in the middle if a tangent about Pluto’s eccentric and inclined orbit. She was staring at him.

“Something on my face?” He joked, but her face was serious. There was something in her eyes he’d never seen before. And then she leaned in close and Farkle held his breath because he had no idea what was about to happen and then…She kissed him. On the lips. Just a few seconds. She pulled back almost immediately, panic in her eyes. She stood and walked across the room in silence. She turned back to him. He sat still, too stunned to do anything.

“You can’t tell anybody.”

 

 

_**5\. Eighteen years old.** _

They’re sitting in the bay window. Riley’s room is full of boxes. They’re leaving in two days. “I’m scared, Farkle.” Farkle blinks rapidly. The past few days Riley had been nothing but excited about college, especially since they were going to the same school.

“You’re gonna do great at college. You’re going to be in a sorority, just like you always wanted, and you’re going to major in astrophysics,” he reassured her.

“What if I fail? What if it’s too hard? What if no one likes me? What if—" Farkle shakes his head and cuts her off.

“It’ll be okay, Riley. No matter what happens, I’ll be there. If it’s too hard, I’ll help you study. And we’ll make friends. You’re like sun, Riley. You pull everyone around you into your orbit, and they’re better off because of it.”

Riley leans into him, “Thanks, Farkle.” He puts his arm around her.

“I love you, Riley.”

“I love you, too, Farkle.” She kisses him lightly, and pulling back asks, “Can you keep this between us?”

“Why?”

“Because everyone else is excited, and I don’t want to bring the mood down. Maya’s going away party is tomorrow, and it has to be perfect.” Farkle sighed.

“Your secret’s safe with me.”

 

 

_**+1. Twenty Five Years Old** _

 “I have to tell you something.” Farkle looked up from his dinner plate in surprise. Riley seemed strangely nervous.

 “Is everything okay?”

 “Everything is wonderful, Farkle,” Riley paused, “at least I think it is.”

 “What does that mean? Riley, what’s going on?” Farkle tried not to let himself get too worried. Whatever it was, he was sure they could get through it—they’d already been through so much together, but this seemed like something new and different.

 “It’s means…Something happened, and I’m happy about it. I mean, I am over the moon about it. Really, I am. But I’m also slightly terrified, and I really don’t know how you’ll react, or if we’re ready or—“

 “Riley, I love you, but please. Spit it out.”

 “I’m pregnant.” At first, Farkle didn’t say anything. He was too stunned to speak. A smile tugged on the corners of his lips. Soon he was unable to wipe the grin from his face.

 “Oh my god. Really? You’re…We’re…Wow.”

 “You’re happy about this, right?”

 “Happy? Darling, I’m thrilled.” He reached across the table and squeezed her hand reassuringly. Riley smiled that bright, sunshine-y smile of hers, and squeezed his hand back.

 “I love you, Farkle.”

 “And I love you.” He didn’t let the moment last long. He was buzzing with questions for her, “Have you made a doctor’s appointment yet?”

 “No.”

 “How far along do you think you are?”

 “Six weeks? Maybe two months.”

 “Do you want to wait until you’re past your first trimester to tell people?”

 “I want to tell everyone right away…I kind of already told Maya.”

 “Of course you did. It’s Maya. I meant people like our parents.”

 “I know. I want to tell everyone as soon as possible. I’m too excited to keep this to ourselves.” Farkle somehow managed to smile even brighter. “C’mon, let’s go call my parents.”

 


End file.
